How To Stay In The Same Lane With 2 Different Sex Drives

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Out of sync with your spouse? Learning how to manage mismatched libidos is essential to a happy and healthy marriage. You can’t enjoy intimacy if one of you feels forced or not in the mood. So, how do you stay in the same lane with two different sex drives?

This article will take a deep dive into unequal sexual desire between married couples. It will explore the most common causes of libido imbalances in marriage and explain ways to get back in sync with your spouse. Then, we’ll discuss tips and tricks to help make your new routine more exciting. Let’s get it on.

How to Tell If There’s a Sexual Disconnect

The first step to creating a mutually satisfying sex life with your spouse is learning to recognize when there’s a problem. Accepting any old routine as the norm might have damaging consequences for your marriage. On average, happily married couples have sex about once per week. Those numbers depend on multiple factors, such as age, occupation, lifestyle, and health. However, too less could be a sign of trouble.

Do you think you and your partner are on different sexual wavelengths? How often do you feel guilty about saying no or ashamed for wanting it when your spouse doesn’t? A sexual imbalance in marriage can put your relationship in the hot seat. It makes one person dissatisfied and the other disappointed.

Sexual desire evolves with time, experience, and lifestyle changes. Struggling to connect in the bedroom with your spouse is a common obstacle that many couples face. But recognizing a sexual disconnect is essential to lasting love, so here is how to tell if there’s a problem:

  • Your mind wanders during sex. This could be caused by many things, but prolonged inattention during intimacy can decrease your pleasure and break your bond.
  • You don’t reach orgasm during foreplay or intercourse. Failing to climax could be a sign that your hormones are not supporting your activities or vice versa.
  • You’ll fuss with your spouse about sexual connection. Disagreements often arise because of one spouse’s lack of satisfying intimacy and another’s feelings of inadequacy.
  • Your schedules don’t allow for frequent sex. Usually, you and your spouse enjoy quickies or stop prematurely to accommodate a busy calendar.
  • You find it difficult to discuss sexual regularity with your spouse. Bringing up unmet needs in marriage requires heroic levels of compassion, understanding, and patience.

Do any of those scenarios describe your sex life? Let’s move on to learn about the reasons for out-of-sync sexual desires in marriage. We can eliminate potential causes and develop a tailored strategy with relevant knowledge and an honest approach.

Understanding Your Spouse’s Sex Drive

Being honest with your spouse about intimacy in marriage is essential. It allows both partners to remain in tune with the other even throughout major life changes. Open communication also helps reveal issues before they become dealbreakers. Better understand your partner’s sexual desires and limitations by actively listening to their responses and requests.

Your spouse needs to feel respected, appreciated, and supported despite not necessarily meeting your sexual wishes. Their sex drive could have more to do with internal issues than external ones. For that reason, note when the discrepancies started and try to consider any extenuating circumstances. Examples include giving birth, changing careers, experiencing mental health issues, or enduring a tragedy.

Learn about the factors that can affect a person’s sexual appetite. Then talk to your partner about how they feel before, during, and after sex. Ask questions, discuss hard limits, and share your fantasies to realign your libidos and get turned on.

FACT: Low sex drive is common in men and women as they age and can affect how their bodies react to physical stimulation in preparation for sex.

Factors That Determine a Person’s Sexual Appetite

The human sexual response is a complicated and delicate matter. Your spouse’s inability or refusal to have sex when you want to might not have anything to do with their emotions. Many factors play a part in how you and your spouse come together in the bedroom, such as:

  • Hormonal changes (menopause, andropause)
  • High blood pressure
  • Diabetes
  • Prescription medications
  • Increased stress or anxiety
  • Body changes and low self-esteem
  • Exhaustion
  • Boredom and monotony

Remember, each person has their definition of what “normal” and satisfying sexual desire looks like. Talk to each other and be truthful. If you’re not getting enough or feel pressured too much, say something. It may be an issue you can fix with a few minor adjustments.

How to Get in Sexual Sync with Your Spouse

Coming together with your spouse for frequent satisfying sex is a cornerstone of a lasting marriage. It demonstrates a commitment to contentment and concern for the relationship. Regular intercourse is also a natural way to build intimacy with your partner despite disagreements and conflicts. So, how do happy couples make time for good sex? Here are five effective strategies: 
(Please note: These are just suggestions and ideas that could help. Use at your own discretion)

#1. Schedule Sex with Your Spouse
It might seem counterintuitive to schedule sex, but lovemaking doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be fun. Besides, you and your spouse can enjoy each other’s touch in unique ways when the occasion is methodically organized. Set aside time for intimacy with the love of your life and show your spouse where your priorities lie.

Look at your work schedule and social obligations. Check for upcoming events and coordinate ways to steal moments for flirting and foreplay. Build up the momentum on lovemaking days to experience mind-blowing orgasms without mental, emotional, or physical delays.

TIP: Use a penis pump or labia pump to prepare your body for date nights, special occasions, and scheduled sex.

#2. Determine an Acceptable Number
Chances are, you have a different idea of normal sexual frequency in marriage than your spouse. This could create an intimacy imbalance that grows over time. A better approach is to pick an amount of sex you’re willing to accept each week or month. Then share that number with your spouse to compare.

Determine how much sex your partner expects, and then find a middle ground. For example, if you want to make love three times per week but your spouse prefers once, find the average and agree on that. You can use the schedule for tip #1 to help with accountability and progress tracking.

TIP: Turn casual nights into sexy situations with luxurious massage oils to help your spouse get in the mood.

#3. Decide on Quantity or Quality
At some point, you must choose between quantity of sex and quality of sex. You’re not trying to win a race or beat a record. The point is to satisfy your spouse with frequent lovemaking that hits all the sweet spots. Don’t feel inadequate if your numbers are higher or lower than the average. Develop sexual intimacy that makes sense for your marriage.

Attempting to meet a specific ratio can be counterproductive. It forces you and your spouse to rush through sex and it puts the focus on the wrong things. Instead of seeking pleasure from your partner, you seek to meet deadlines and quotas. But marital intimacy is a divinely guided force, so you should lead with your hearts.

TIP: Listen to Christian marriage podcasts for more information and create a meaningful connection with your spouse.

#4. Define Successful Sex
Are you having sex to experience orgasm? Do you want to work on your sexual stamina? Is your spouse trying to teach you something about their body? Will this be the first time attempting a new activity or position? Couples have sex for multiple reasons, and it’s not always about the climax.

Successful sex can mean anything, depending on what you and your partner discuss. Healthy intimacy in marriage is not defined by ejaculation, arousal, and carnal pleasure. The idea is to use sex as a tool to grow closer as a unit. If that means experimenting, practicing, or troubleshooting, so be it.

TIP: Explore guides and tutorials to learn how to please your spouse on multiple levels.

#5. Introduce Sex Toys
Sex toys allow married couples to deliver pleasure beyond their physical capacity, supporting a deep connection and promoting fidelity through satisfied needs. In other words, marital aids can help couples meet in the middle when there’s a sexual disconnect. Use them if one partner is not in the mood or unable to become aroused.

Synthetic devices for sexual pleasure can range in form and function, depending on your desires. Some are specifically for men, while others are for women or couples. Introduce sex toys gradually and give each other time to adjust. Both spouses should explore the possibilities and match opportunities with sexual fantasies.

TIP: Read more about introducing sex toys in your marriage to learn tips and tricks for enhanced pleasure.

Top 13 Toys for In-Sync Sex in Marriage

Because sex toys are designed to help couples bridge the gaps in their relationships, the options are as varied as the people who use them. Variety is the spice of life, but it can also make shopping confusing. Here is a compressed guide to the dirty dozen – twelve toys to help you get your sex drives in-sync:

  • Vibrators – Pinpoint the g-spot or p-spot with an internal massage.
  • Penis Rings Prolong erections, delay ejaculation, and improve sensations.
  • Prostate Massagers – Target the p-spot for deep, liberating male pleasure.
  • Clitoral Pumps – Prepare the vulva for sensitive foreplay and penetration.
  • Nipple Clamps – Stimulate hidden erogenous zones to induce whole-body arousal.
  • Edible Underwear – Improve oral sex with deliciously flavored panties.
  • Body Jewelry – Decorate your figure to entice your spouse with visual appeal.
  • Lingerie & CostumesRole play to add excitement into your routine.
  • Lubricants – Protect your body and sex toys with high-quality lubrication.
  • Massage Oils – Relax tired muscles to experience better orgasms.
  • StrokersAwaken the penis or increase endurance.
  • Condoms – Choose textures, colors, and flavors to customize sex.
  • Sex Furniture – Change positions and experiment safely with Liberator pillows and wedges.

Look at each sex toy or accessory with your spouse to discuss the pros and cons. Take mental notes, write in a diary, or reserve time for a private conversation. Step away from potential interruptions and give your partner undivided attention. Then decide if your new routine required adjusting after implementing changes for 2-3 weeks.

NOTE: Reach out to a doctor or sexual health specialist if your sex drive imbalance persists after tailoring your love life and attempting new things.


Unbalanced sex drives can cause significant problems in marriage, even if spouses are head over heels in love. Both partners must make an effort to get in sync and stay in the same lane despite life changes and conflicts. Schedule sex, choose a healthy number of sessions per week, and define successful lovemaking according to your relationship. Focus on quality over quantity, then introduce sex toys to fill in the gaps.


christian intimacy products, sex furniture, massage kit for couples

Romantic Blessings believes all married couples should enjoy intimacy the way they see fit. But learning new facts and techniques can be a challenge because sex is still taboo. So, check out our library of Christian-based resources to help you improve your love life and glorify God through a happy marriage. 

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