How to Initiate Sex

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology did a study recently. It found that husbands started sex about 60% of the time. In only 30% of cases, wives took the lead. The other 10% represented a balance between the sexes, although it seemed to be hard for everybody.

7 ways to initiate sex with your spouse

Either way you split it, most couples have trouble figuring out how to initiate sex because it’s a delicate dance between mood, technique, personality, and preference. Desire is an individual urge based on attraction and timing, so use these proven methods to make it work in your favor. We like to call them The Lucky 7:

  1. Invite Instead of Initiate

    Did you know that there’s a difference between initiating sex and inviting your spouse to fool around? Gentle sex invites can help your betrothed feel more in control of the situation. Thus, they may be more willing to say yes when they would have otherwise said no.

    Meanwhile, outright initiations can put unwanted pressure on a spouse, especially if they’re dealing with mental or emotional turmoil. So, try to beat around the bush without being unclear or passive-aggressive by putting the ball squarely in their court. WARNING: This could lead to some sexy roleplaying action if you’re not careful.

  2. Throw Around Some Personal Come-Ons

    Whether you’ve been married for years or just tied the knot, it’s your duty and pleasure to know your spouse’s turn-ons. After all, that’s how you keep a marriage strong and steady. You can also nurture intimacy (and boost your chances) by learning their love language like the back of your hand.

    Does your spouse like to be touched gingerly in a specific spot? Are they turned on by romantic gifts and erotic gestures? How do your sweet-sounding works make them feel? This is all good information for a spouse trying to get lucky. So, let knowledge be your power to make it personal.

  3. Pursue Them All Day Long

    You can initiate sex from far away, and you don’t have to limit your pursuit to the bedroom either. Day-long foreplay can be a major key to getting the green light. It creates anticipation, promotes better imagination, and brings forth latent sexual fantasies for immediate exploration too.

    Constant pursuits of your spouse don’t have to be expensive or exhausting, by the way. Simply start the day with something suggestive, monitor their responses to your advances, and then follow through with your naughty promises. It’s a great way to build trust and create a whirlwind effect in the sack.

  4. Put Sex on the Schedule

    Life can get hectic sometimes, and that can take its toll on intimacy and romance. After a while, a lacking connection can destroy an otherwise happy marriage. So, make time for each other. Even if that means scheduling sexual togetherness, do it. Who knows? It could be hot.

    There are several ways to create a sex schedule with your spouse and never miss an appointment. Either write a note for yourself, set an alarm, or use online tools such as Google Calendar to keep track of your dates. Then, show up ready to go and compassionate about their simmering desires.

  5. Establish Hard and Soft Boundaries

    It’s much easier to turn on your spouse when you know exactly what they like and dislike. So, sit down to talk about fantasies and expectations with an open heart and mind. You could learn something new about your partner while also getting some creative ideas on how to please them better in bed.

    Be sure to mention the things you both will and won’t do. That way, the other spouse can meter their approach to sex more seductively. If needed, make a list of “No,” “Yes,” and “Maybe” activities and then share it with one another. Then, try to find a meeting of the minds to enjoy a meeting of the bodies later.

  6. Shop for Lingerie Together

    Nothing says you have kinky intentions quite like shopping for sexy lingerie with your spouse. In some cases, the mere mention of doing this could be seen as a major invitation. Now imagine searching online while fondling your favorite figure in anticipation of the upcoming fashion show. Pretty enticing, right?

    You can choose from a wide variety of different styles, from extremely revealing to mysterious and demure. Then mix in a few words from their love language and you’ve most likely got yourself a deal. Just be sure to compliment your spouse when they show off their new ensemble.

    TIP: Purchase some evocative accessories like edible underwear, nipple play gear, or sexy body jewelry to complete the look.

  7. Try Something New Tonight

    Perhaps your problem is just that things have gotten stale. It happens to every couple after a while, but there’s an easy solution. In most cases, it only takes introducing a new sex toy, position, or activity to rekindle the flame. So, is tonight the night to start a new experiment? Probably.

    There are plenty of options available for married couples, including ergonomic vibrators, male strokers, penis rings, and even sensual massage oils to help get the fireworks popping. If this is your time to shine (and it is), then make it a night your spouse will never forget by doing something bold and brave.

    Remember, there’s no pre-written script to turning on your spouse. So, don’t be afraid of experimentation or busting out of your comfort zone. After all, spontaneity may be just what the doctor ordered for some steamy, hot sex.

Getting it on

Most likely, your spouse is waiting for something exciting to happen in the sack. It’s not that they don’t want to have sex anymore. In many cases, a lack of intimacy is due to conflicting schedules, unknown fantasies, and ill-equipped bedrooms - not a decrease in physical or emotional attraction. That means the power is in your hands, so wield it wisely by initiating sex like a pro.

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